The Present…
Today, I should have been investing my time and energy in day- job searching and finishing a painting. I, instead, spent the day feeling no-so-bueno with a killer sinus headache thing, and obsessively musing over blog face lifting and gratuitous art supply shopping. A gallery page has been added to the site, if you haven’t noticed, but I haven’t managed to get to the “add stuff” phase. Sweet BFS is so super busy with his own work and artistic endeavors but still takes the time to build and work on my site. I hate to bother him to0 much but he’s my number one technical go-to hunny (errr my ONLY go-to hunny). He is really an amazing person, and I cant wait to see how he cooks it all together to make a fantastically brilliant site.
The Dream…
I have also been doing a heck of allot of thinking and planning. Great things are coming for Wenders and Wenderflonia. I have been truly inspired by my great friend Courtney, who has commissioned the brilliant piece of work I have been musing about lately. She has forced me (pretty sure I was kicking and screaming ;-)) into opening myself up to new possibilities. I have seriously been exploring the feeling that I am on the brink of something; a vibration of hope, possibly a nervous breakdown, who knows. I just feel a wind of change has been coming and is seriously overdue. My passion has always been in artistic endeavors, I’ve never fit into the traditional work environment, and so many people are baffled as to why I haven’t decided to do this sooner. But I want to be an artist….actually I want to be a paid artist.
The Reality…
The current job search has been getting me so down lately. I have fretted so long about not being able to just jump into a well paying job right away. I’m educated, smart and make sure I smell good at interviews, so why is it so hard to find a job? Possibly, it is because I’m being whispered to about taking a different approach to life and need to listen to what it’s telling me. I fully believe my true talent lies withing the creative arts and I need to pursue it. That isn’t to say NOT to look for an outside source of income. The day job search is still on, but ultimately the goal is to become a totally self sufficient working artist. The first step is to start creating, making myself available for commission work and promote pieces to sell. The hardest part, however, will be to allow myself to be vulnerable….exposed….aaahhhhhh (paper bag! Quick!) to the criticism and scrutiny of others. This is going to be so hard since I am such a private person and my art is so meaningful to me. I will not shatter…I will not shatter…..(where is that paper bag!)
The Future…
The goal for the next two weeks is:
1) To keep the job search up..have to eat…have to eat….
2) Finish Paintings in progress and post in gallery, deliver to proper homes.
3) Get website cleaned up, nipped and tucked.
4) Allow the spirit of change to keep directing me in new directions and to not be limited by my vulnerabilities.
YIKES!!!
